Always.
When you think you are in the bottom – suddenly you find out you are still falling, drowning in the darkness of a sea called desperation.
I got a message today I wish I had never received. Feeling frustrated, disappointed,anxious about. Only yeasterday I though that I might have obtained kind of stability.
How fool was I.
It always can become worse.
New Year, you must be kidding me.
It would be the biggest temptation in the whole world – the possibility to edit your own past. Press the button and change everything you once told or did. Actions, decisions – all would be erased. If it was possible in general. Sometimes I think I could die for it.
And you?
…to say thank you? For that I am still alive. That I faced today’s sunrise. That I saw my mom today and talked to my husband. I have tasty food on my plate, a roof above my head, a bed to sleep in.
I have multiple possibilties to study, to work, to explore, to believe, to create.
That is definitely enough for one day to be thankful for. Each day of our lives.
So I say thank you. And I will do my best not to forget being thankful every day.
Three days before New Year. As pretty any other person I have already summed this year. So far it tore me apart, forced me to leave my country, my husband and my life. It killed people I knew.
After such a line I have almost no willing to continue. But I have to. No one will go this path but me.
This year I saw almost every corner of Europe, moved to another side of the Earth and faced thirty degrees frost. I found new friends, hugged the old ones.
I met incredible people of Moldova, Romania, Poland, Lithuania, Italy and many-many others. Each of them kept my faith in people alive. I wish they knew how grateful I am to where I am today. I wish the whole world knew what each of them had done to help my country.
Though I still miss my husband and will see the firt day of 2023 without him, I hope it will last not that long. Hard to imagine, I have not seen him since 26 of February when I passed the border of Moldova, in a small village named Palanca.
Thank you for making me stronger this year. I hope to have more reasons to be joyful next year.
… a cake of course. That is what anybody would say if you asked them how to find a new life in a new world.
Boolshit.
What are my options? To find a some stupid work just to get by, or a super smart one and ran off from it next week? Should I seek longer or agry the first offer? Should I try findiing something I might really like or should I dirft?
I don’t like any of the options.
I am out of source as it is commonly named.
This stupid war exhausted me, and I am even not near of it now. I only heard a couple of explosions 24th of Feb, early in the morning. And I fled the country.
I just need a bit of luck, to survive until this stupidity is over and I will be with my husband again.
Hopefully.
God. I am so lost. Please give me a hand.
Not all who wander are lost
J.R.R.Tolkien
I wish I weren’t that lost.
Life is like a wheel. Sooner or later, it always come around to where you started again.
Stephen King
Being thousands of miles away from home, I came up with understanding I need to start all over again.
You may consider it as bless or curse, it depends on your situation. However, for now I know the one thing – it is freaking me out.
All is new and different. Even toiler paper.
It is a big deal.
Things, I got used to, literaly save my brains. So I keep holding to them.
Trying to start acting like and adult and responsible person. It does not work each time. But doooooon’t stop belieeeeeviiiiing.
“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
It has been a tough year for almost everyone in my near acquaintance. There were bad days and ‘I-can-handle-it’ days. There were few good ones.
I lost my dad due to COVID-19.
I fled from Ukraine due to hostilities russia launched.
I haven’t seen my husband for 8 months by now.
I am alive, I am safe. I have my mom and sister around.
I just want to hope it makes any sense and will make me stronger. Cause I don’t feel like I am strong enough.
Ничто не гаснет, не увядает бесследно.
Всегда есть путь, есть нить, что связывает твою жизнь. То что было с тем что стало.
Всегда есть выбор как поступить.
И у меня так же.
Но что же выбрать?
Whatever people say, do what’s better for you
inner voice
Just got realized that’ve I’ve been missing posting here for a year.
It’s been a long, tough year. Some parts of which ought to be forgotten for good. But there were nice pieces of memories I’d like to save.
Fais ce que tu dois, advienne que pourra.
Here’s to you and here’s to me,
may we never disagree.
But if we do, then hell to you;
only here’s to me.
(c) John Moore
These words come to my mind quite often recently. Like a melody that can’t be thrown out of my head.
Enjoy new season and looking forward for more.
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My Hell, My Love, My Story.
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